My life with an editor

The work that I do requires me to use editors – people who proof read my ramblings, people who make sure I make sense. I’m fine with that, in fact I find it very useful – it’s really hard to look objectively at your own creations. And in my case I usually get into writing mode and don’t pay attention to the details which means I am sometimes leaving things out because in my head it is obvious where I am going with the text I am writing. For someone from the outside it may not be so obvious, this is where editor comes in.

However, having worked with multiple editors, all I can say is that sometimes you’re lucky, sometimes you’re not and you get a very baaad editor. From my writing journey, here are few cases where I was thiiiis close to writing a very long and very rude letter to the person that was proof reading my texts:
me: ‘yesterday I ate two apples, they were delicious.’
editor: ‘two apples perished yesterday. But fear not, I devoured them with pleasure, contemplating the meaning of life.’
me: ugh, 42.
editor: I’d delete it, it makes no sense. 42??
me: you’re a pain in the butt, you know that, right?
editor: “my life would be nothing without my dearest editor”, she said.
me: that is not what I said.
editor: that’s exactly what she said, trust me, I’m her editor.
me: whatever. ‘Game was totally dominated by South Korea.’
editor: ‘South Korea totally dominated the game.’
me: dude, you’re just rearranging my words to feel important
editor: me so useful, me so important.
me: ‘World of Warcraft’
editor: “Sphere of Warfare”
me: That’s just wrong, this is a trademarked name! And it is not even accurate!
editor: what’s a trademark?
me: ugh. *writes about ‘Mortal Kombat’*
editor: *edits it to ‘Mortal Combat’*
me: ‘e’
editor: no no, let’s delete this ‘e’ and add…’e’!
me: ‘the’
editor: change it to ‘the’
me: ‘I did not expect that!’
editor: ‘now that I didn’t expect!’
me: ‘I didn’t like it’
editor: ‘I didn’t care about it’
me: ‘end game was not prepared well’
editor: ‘the end of the game was dull’
me: <quotes someone>
editor: *totally edits the quote*
me: ‘proteins are made up of many amino acids joined together’
editor: proteins and amino acids are two different things. If they were the same, we would call them the same, d’oh!
me: you have no idea about the subject of my text, right?
editor: lol, none at all
me: I’m just going to ignore you. Here’s the text, DON’T ADD ANYTHING. I am already way over the limit.
editor: I’m going to bitch here about the fact you didn’t write more about this thing. Like why not 2000 chars more? In fact, I’ll write two extra paragraphs because deep inside I always wanted to be a writer.
me: fuck you
editor: now now, there’s no need to be salty about it. I’m doing it because I love you.

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